Nairobi, Mombasa and Kilifi women and girls training on the roles of women in parenting and in CVE was conducted. The trainings were designed to equip women/young mothers with skills and knowledge to do the parenting well since most youth are suffering due to poor parenting.

The facilitators were Madam Riziki Ahmed and Mariam Kibunja, who are psychologists. The parenting of a child start at couple selection, if a woman chooses the best man for her family, the parenting will be very easy with minimum challenges. However, if a woman chooses the bad partner, in terms of behavior and negative attitude, then her family will have many challenges. It’s important to look at a person’s background to understand his/her behavior, family ties and family reputation before marriage for a stable family unit. According to Islamic sheriah and teachings, before marriage, the background of the potential husband/wife to be has to be thoroughly investigated; there was wisdom behind these teachings. During conception, the couple should show concern and love to each other in order to create a tight bond with the unborn baby, this is because, if a mother is stressed, it affects the unborn, if a father communicates with the unborn, the voice will be familiar after the birth, therefore a need to behave and treat each other well for a stable family unit.

0-1 year is a very important stage in child’s life, children gain or lose trust if not well attended during this stage. Mothers should build love relationship with their children and connect well, maintain eye contact with each other. Bonding for the kids happens during breastfeeding, there is need to maintain that bond. Children, who loose trust during early stages engages in crimes later on in life, live with vengeance.  A home is build by a woman, a woman influences and make homes firm.

At the age of 2yrs, children need patience from parents in feeding, talking and potty training since they are very forgetful. They need to be praised when they do something good, if a child is withdrawn, a parent should be alert and concerned, children need to be appreciated, encouraged, and parents should guide and not shout at their kids. Set children free so that they can be able to share information when something happens to them. Talk to them more often.

At primary stage/Industrious stage, children wants to achieve, if not careful, they will develop inferiority complex. Parents should not compare kids, children are of different characters, others are polite and obedient though they perform poorly in schools, and others are well performing but very disrespectful. Never discuss child’s negative character in front of him/her. 

Adolescent stage, here comes with conflict between children and the parents due to peer pressure. Children become sexually active thus attracted to the opposite sex, they need to be spoken to, give them responsibilities at home, they will feel recognized, give her space to behave like a child if he/she is still behaving so. Involve them in decision making, have laws and regulations at home to be adhered to. Talk about the consequences of not following what they are told, talk about the issues and realities of life.

Talk about emotions and ask them if their emotions are ready for relationship break up to avoid being suicidal after heart breaks. Most of many serial killers lived with unhealed wounds. Don’t talk about the evil of your EX in front of his children, guide and protect children, love them unconditional.

If children are well parented; loved well, educated well and equipped with religious knowledge, they will not engage in crimes or alshabaabs.

Community parenting is very important since it makes children feel wanted and loved; parents should give directions and should avoid despising other children. Remember that if a child is spoilt, he will spoil many children in the community. Communal parenting is faced with selfishness from some parents, who are not ready to punish their children who are causing problems in the society. Same parents will not allow the community to discipline his/her children who may end up in police custody or killed. Collective responsibility in child upbringing is important to parents. Some communities are faced with drug sellers whom they think that they work closely with police/chiefs/OCs etc since they are never arrested nor brought to books.

Parents should talk to their kids on effects of abusing drugs, take them to rehabilitation centre, and fight the sellers through social and print media exposure.

Factors that drive youth into joining illegal groups and radicalization

There are many factors that drive youth into joining illegal groups and radicalization. Peer pressure is common, poverty contributes a lot since children are not happy with their parents languishing in poverty, poor parenting is a factor due to negligence by parents who have not time for their children, and children spend most hours lonely and favoritism by parents on siblings. Media also motivates youth into groups through preachers/harsh sermons that triggers and drives youths into vengeance. Some communities are marginalized; they lack resources and are poor governed i.e. North Eastern. Parents should be role models to their children, they should have time for their children and listen to their grievances, awareness and sensitization on good parenting should be done at community level, interfaith dialogues and spiritual nourishment should be encouraged to avoid name calling, engage kids in different communal activities to avoid idleness. Children should be given opportunity to play and should not be overworked.

To have stable family units, good couple selection should be emphasized. If partners choose good couples, the marriage will be happy, foundation will be good, there will be financial stability, family bonding will be felt and enjoyed, and there will be unity, minimal stress and long relationship. Bad couple selection will lead to short term relationship, single parents, divorce, and sick partners due to infection and stress, ignorance, poverty and indiscipline children. Children need religious foundation, guidance and counseling, parents need to be free with their children starting at adolescent stage to prepare them psychologically on the challenges awaiting them and how to cope with those challenges.

For stable family units

Parents at times land their children in trouble when they are drunk, overworking them, harsh and stressed mothers, girls exposed to rape and boys to sodomy by relatives and friends, they transfer work related stress to their children and due to single parenting that is faced with many challenges. Parents should be friendly to their kids/protect them from bad companies through advices and religious guidance.

How to motivate children

Children can be motivated by being friendly, keep house calm, be respectful and open to them, through good communication, correcting mistakes instead of hiding their mistakes, by laying house rules and regulations since childhood. It is always important to gift children for the work well done, pay for educational trips and applaud them for their good behavior. Children can be engaged in housework i.e. child care, washing clothes, doing household chores both male and female, going to mosque, churches and Sunday schools together,  playing together and by attending family get together events.

Children are also affected through domestic violence, parents who are drunkards, environment that is hostile and their rights are violated, abused by foster parents (orphans), and abused by young parents due to divorce.   Disabled children should not be ignored and be stigmatized. They need communal protections.