Nairobi, Mombasa and Kilifi women and girls training on the roles of women in parenting and in CVE was conducted. The trainings were designed to equip women/young mothers with skills and knowledge to do the parenting well since most youth are suffering due to poor parenting.

The facilitators were Madam Riziki Ahmed and Mariam Kibunja, who are psychologists. The parenting of a child start at couple selection, if a woman chooses the best man for her family, the parenting will be very easy with minimum challenges. However, if a woman chooses the bad partner, in terms of behavior and negative attitude, then her family will have many challenges. It’s important to look at a person’s background to understand his/her behavior, family ties and family reputation before marriage for a stable family unit. According to Islamic sheriah and teachings, before marriage, the background of the potential husband/wife to be has to be thoroughly investigated; there was wisdom behind these teachings. During conception, the couple should show concern and love to each other in order to create a tight bond with the unborn baby, this is because, if a mother is stressed, it affects the unborn, if a father communicates with the unborn, the voice will be familiar after the birth, therefore a need to behave and treat each other well for a stable family unit.

0-1 year is a very important stage in child’s life, children gain or lose trust if not well attended during this stage. Mothers should build love relationship with their children and connect well, maintain eye contact with each other. Bonding for the kids happens during breastfeeding, there is need to maintain that bond. Children, who loose trust during early stages engages in crimes later on in life, live with vengeance.  A home is build by a woman, a woman influences and make homes firm.

At the age of 2yrs, children need patience from parents in feeding, talking and potty training since they are very forgetful. They need to be praised when they do something good, if a child is withdrawn, a parent should be alert and concerned, children need to be appreciated, encouraged, and parents should guide and not shout at their kids. Set children free so that they can be able to share information when something happens to them. Talk to them more often.

At primary stage/Industrious stage, children wants to achieve, if not careful, they will develop inferiority complex. Parents should not compare kids, children are of different characters, others are polite and obedient though they perform poorly in schools, and others are well performing but very disrespectful. Never discuss child’s negative character in front of him/her. 

Adolescent stage, here comes with conflict between children and the parents due to peer pressure. Children become sexually active thus attracted to the opposite sex, they need to be spoken to, give them responsibilities at home, they will feel recognized, give her space to behave like a child if he/she is still behaving so. Involve them in decision making, have laws and regulations at home to be adhered to. Talk about the consequences of not following what they are told, talk about the issues and realities of life.

Talk about emotions and ask them if their emotions are ready for relationship break up to avoid being suicidal after heart breaks. Most of many serial killers lived with unhealed wounds. Don’t talk about the evil of your EX in front of his children, guide and protect children, love them unconditional.

If children are well parented; loved well, educated well and equipped with religious knowledge, they will not engage in crimes or alshabaabs.

Community parenting is very important since it makes children feel wanted and loved; parents should give directions and should avoid despising other children. Remember that if a child is spoilt, he will spoil many children in the community. Communal parenting is faced with selfishness from some parents, who are not ready to punish their children who are causing problems in the society. Same parents will not allow the community to discipline his/her children who may end up in police custody or killed. Collective responsibility in child upbringing is important to parents. Some communities are faced with drug sellers whom they think that they work closely with police/chiefs/OCs etc since they are never arrested nor brought to books.

Parents should talk to their kids on effects of abusing drugs, take them to rehabilitation centre, and fight the sellers through social and print media exposure.

Factors that drive youth into joining illegal groups and radicalization

There are many factors that drive youth into joining illegal groups and radicalization. Peer pressure is common, poverty contributes a lot since children are not happy with their parents languishing in poverty, poor parenting is a factor due to negligence by parents who have not time for their children, and children spend most hours lonely and favoritism by parents on siblings. Media also motivates youth into groups through preachers/harsh sermons that triggers and drives youths into vengeance. Some communities are marginalized; they lack resources and are poor governed i.e. North Eastern. Parents should be role models to their children, they should have time for their children and listen to their grievances, awareness and sensitization on good parenting should be done at community level, interfaith dialogues and spiritual nourishment should be encouraged to avoid name calling, engage kids in different communal activities to avoid idleness. Children should be given opportunity to play and should not be overworked.

To have stable family units, good couple selection should be emphasized. If partners choose good couples, the marriage will be happy, foundation will be good, there will be financial stability, family bonding will be felt and enjoyed, and there will be unity, minimal stress and long relationship. Bad couple selection will lead to short term relationship, single parents, divorce, and sick partners due to infection and stress, ignorance, poverty and indiscipline children. Children need religious foundation, guidance and counseling, parents need to be free with their children starting at adolescent stage to prepare them psychologically on the challenges awaiting them and how to cope with those challenges.

For stable family units

Parents at times land their children in trouble when they are drunk, overworking them, harsh and stressed mothers, girls exposed to rape and boys to sodomy by relatives and friends, they transfer work related stress to their children and due to single parenting that is faced with many challenges. Parents should be friendly to their kids/protect them from bad companies through advices and religious guidance.

How to motivate children

Children can be motivated by being friendly, keep house calm, be respectful and open to them, through good communication, correcting mistakes instead of hiding their mistakes, by laying house rules and regulations since childhood. It is always important to gift children for the work well done, pay for educational trips and applaud them for their good behavior. Children can be engaged in housework i.e. child care, washing clothes, doing household chores both male and female, going to mosque, churches and Sunday schools together,  playing together and by attending family get together events.

Children are also affected through domestic violence, parents who are drunkards, environment that is hostile and their rights are violated, abused by foster parents (orphans), and abused by young parents due to divorce.   Disabled children should not be ignored and be stigmatized. They need communal protections.

Why Dialogue? To provide an avenue for women and young girls (young mothers) discuss the issues affecting them without fear and intimidation, get local solutions and to network. Get their view on how they can promote economic development and moderate voices in the society. To connect women with security apparatus to discuss parental challenges and issues affecting the society.

Nairobi, Mombasa and Kilfi Women Dialogue Forum; Women agreed that there was hatred between different faiths and tribes since the terminologies used in describing each other was discriminative and fueled more conflicts. Muslim participants felt that their Christian counterparts were calling them lazy, illiterate and backward. The Christians felt bad when Muslims call them Kufar and when they hear ‘Allah Akbar’ they think that they are converging to kill each Christians. During elections, women are mostly used to fuel hatred since they are used to name calling each other i.e. Kehe, Mwizi, Msaliti, Kigeugeu, Muguruki, and watermelon etc. They needed to understand more about jihad and kufar and to be informed if there was jihad in Somalia.

Jihad means ‘holy war’; to strive to do good deeds, to strive to succeed in life, kufar; means pagan, someone without any religious affiliations; they were also informed that in Somalia there was political war, people fighting for leadership and to acquire resources and thus misuse of youth in the name of religion. Most youth recruited were promised good pay and good life, yet the ones who managed to come back have evidently stated that the lifestyle was pathetic, everything contradicted religious teachings.

Demystifying narratives used in radicalization

There is need to empower local women to prevent violent/extremists’ ideology and political extremism through information sharing and trainings of this nature to demystify these terminologies and to discourage women from engaging in divisive politics for peace and stability in the country. Women are supposed to have constant communication with their children, be friendly to their children, and be closer to them in order to understand them better. To empower communities to know that they are all Kenyans and should stay away from political conflict that leads to fight. Women need to be each other’s protector, to have more trainings and forums to educate communities especially the youth on effects of violence. Women should build trust with each as a community, empowered to preach peace at family level, in churches and mosques. To advice the youth on the consequences of joining illegal groups (death and imprisonment). To engage and keep youth busy through arts and nurture talents to avoid idleness.

To empower youth through information to avoid being misused by politicians, to encourage communities to vote wisely to get leaders who have visions, to stop incitements from politicians.

How to promote interfaith, volunteerism and social cohesion among women of different faiths

Women should be sensitized to unite irrespective of their religious affiliations to promote economic development and moderate voices, have regular meetings/seminars on volunteerism, and create safe-space for women to interact and share issues affecting them.  Engage women groups on importance of cohesion, door to door campaign on unity and interfaith, engage in dialogue in churches, mosques and communities, campaign in social media, chief barazas, chamas, posters/fliers. Women can be trained to be counselors to give hope, can do mediation between the warring groups, can educate each other on the importance of cohesion and volunteerism, can advocate for peace, can be role models in the community, can be peacemakers, can give advices when needed to, can talk in one voice as Christians and Muslims.

Women agree that there is great importance of maintaining good work relationship with security apparatus, though many women have fear of facing the security dockets due to lack of confidence and stigmatization associated with working with them.

Good working relationship will help in getting any information pertaining Identity cards, relief foods, old-age allowances, bursaries among other goodies. Most women feel that most security officers are corrupts, biased, sexually abusing women, arrogance, they lack confidentiality among others.

How to acquire leadership for change among women

Leadership for change can be acquired through empowerment of women, by speaking one language as women, be role models to the community and through advocacy work.

Women have numerous factors that hinder them from engaging in economic gains; they lack education in conducting businesses, they lack capital to start businesses what they work for is from hands to mouth especially single mothers. Harassments from city County officials due to lack of important business documents which are expensive. They lack good places to set-up their businesses i.e. rent.  Parents lack school fees to educate their children due to poverty and illiteracy, some parents are widows/widowers, unable to take up responsibilities single handedly, most women are jobless, peer pressure has a big influence on parenting since most teenagers are misbehaving and are not listening to their parents.

Nairobi, Mombasa and Malindi Women Leaders Consultative Forum meeting were conducted, aimed at bringing the local leaders/stakeholders together to understand what Engage Jamii Initiatives is, programs implemented and the upcoming programs. This is because the EJI believes in communal unity and togetherness in achieving its intended program objectives.

Being a festive season, most of the government officials were involved in vetting exercise; however Madam Glory Kamungi, District Officer Pumwani, represented the government agency. She applauded the initiative and encouraged women to embrace opportunities coming their ways for their stability and growth. She also advised women to be very keen and responsible parents to minimize crime cases and the recruitment of youth in radical groups. She urged parents to work closely with security apparatus for peaceful nation.

The Chairlady gave a welcoming speech, thanking the participants for finding time out of their busy schedule to attend and again by obeying the weather which was cold and rainy. The participants were well represented since they consisted of   leaders from different communities and areas thus the Kamukunji and Dagoretti Constituency was well represented. They introduced themselves on the community work they are engaged in with majority doing a lot on children rights.

The Director spoke about EJI and the previous program on economic empowerment that benefited over 60 women from Huruma/Kariobangi and Kawangware. She stated on the upcoming program activities that are geared towards promotion of economic development and creation of moderate voices among women and girls in Kenya. The Program will be implemented in 3 counties: Nairobi, Mombasa and Kilifi. In Nairobi, the program will have representatives from Kawangware and Pumwani therefore the   program venue will be alternating for fair inclusivity and exposure to the targeted groups.

 Salim Juma is Community Leader; he moderated the session and led the discussion by members contributing towards the upcoming EJI programs.

How to engage women and girls in the Promotion of Economic Development

• There was need to identify peoples passion, strength and weaknesses before granting them capital.
• Participants should be equipped with business skills.
• Background check is important to understand people’s interest and attitudes in the society.
• Training should be considerate of peoples’ interests in terms of training hours.
• Bring people together, challenge them to know each other, understand their capacity and if they are ready to work as a team (unity).
• Creativity should be emphasized to avoid copying of businesses from each other.
• Embracing technology is a must for growth of business.
• People should explore their potential in businesses before employing others.
• Business ideas should be localized for uniqueness and success.
• Business ideas should not be initiated; the community itself should come up with such ideas according to their interests.
• Culture of saving and investments should be encouraged for business growth and maximization of profit.
• Marketing and branding should be supported for sustainability.
• There should be follow ups on any business supported.

Factors that hinder women and girls in the Promotion of moderate voices in Kenya

• Absentee parents especially fathers who leave many responsibilities to mothers
• Address too busy mothers (Single mothers) who lack time for their children
• Cultural negativity (‘Uswahilism’)
• Lack of Mentors
• Peer pressure
• Poverty perception yet its laziness
• Some decisions make women incapacitated leading to psychological and economical violence
• Child labor especially on foreign children
• Losing hope
• Family pressure to youth to fend for them after class 8/form 4
• Misuse of religious concepts on Jihad and religious chapter
• Tame idleness among youth and women
• School drop outs be addressed and perpetrators punished
• Work on early marriages
• Address prostitution among young girls and boys
• Negligence by parents addressed
• Address violent /political extremism
• Tackle health issues i.e. HIV/Aids

Challenges faced in group-based businesses

• Loaning through friendship and failure to repaying loans
• Confrontations/fights due to failure in repayment of loans thus enemity
• Dependence of business for every expenditure thus from hand to mouth
• Book keeping challenges
• Lack of information of opportunities available for women
• Lack of business strategy
• Inherited business that does not grow
• Lack of exhibition opportunities
• Work on community perceptions on self employment
• Lack of capital to start business

Solutions in Promotion of moderate voices and economic empowerment

• Training on parenting be initiated; Parenting is a communal role therefore culprits should be brought on board
• Demystify the misused religious concepts for religious harmony and have interfaith dialogue among women of different faiths.
• Be open to dialogue with children, be a true Muslim and follow religious teachings and stop mixing Swahili culture with religious culture
• Support education of our children and report those denying children the opportunity to be in school
• Have mentorship programs at community level
• Unlearn societal negativity for the betterment of the community
• Embrace technology in business and address effects of technology in child upbringing especially through inappropriate use of phones by youth.
• Break the cycle of being in un-functional marriage due to suffering emotionally and psychologically.
• Open up market and exhibition opportunities for local businesses.
• Include boy child in the program to avoid problems associated with negligence by men in marriages
• Provide opportunities for girls through camping programs for mentorship
• Supervise our kids and monitor their behavior and movements.